Luna
by cici.mel1978
Summary: There's a bounty on Bella's head and years later she's still in love with the man she didn't choose while wondering did she make the right choice.. She thought as years went on things would get easier, but now she's a bounty hunter's target, she's jealous of her own daughter, and another round of high school isn't as glamorous as she thought it would be.


Disclaimer: I don't own these characters nor story of Twilight and its series , Stephenie Meyer does. I do though own the plot of Luna, any characters outside the story series of Twilight. And would love to give a thank you to my beta jobelle516. This is my first time writing , but I'm hoping it doesn't completely suck. Reviews please!

* * *

I couldn't help but stare at the ceiling on the bed, doing the most mundane yet minuscule thing I could think of. I, Bella Swan...no Cullen. It was Cullen now as it has been these past years. was counting the tiles on the ceiling and the specks on each one….

**Out. Of. Boredom.**

Inwardly I had emphasized each word for myself in its own bold print.

I'm not even sure when it started. The moment where being a vampire just didn't seem worth it. Perhaps it was sometime after the bliss of being newly weds was over, and sex no longer was enough. My mind was flashing back to a quiet moment with my husband where I couldn't think of one thing to talk about. Not one thing. I had everything I wanted, how hard could it be to just start a conversation.

When did it become so hard, me and Ja...

I couldn't go there; I already knew where that road would lead. Another fight. Another argument. Another look that says "I told you so by your ex best friend" my mind loved to remind me. What I wouldn't give for just a few moments to close my eyes, sleep and leave my consciousness just for a little while. I honestly missed just sleeping.

The soft sheets were designed in some fancy country by a designer's whose name I couldn't pronounce, at least that's what Alice told me and Edward told me in a few centuries it wouldn't matter anyway whether I could pronounce it or not. Said designer would be dead and I still wouldn't care enough to learn to pronounce it or be able to sleep in it.

I don't know why that bothered me. Forever seemed perfect but now…

Now what?

Maybe it was the boredom over the fact that I had to repeat a grade in school where they miscalculated. Edward wanted to take action against the school I wasn't dumb, I did my work and I was smart enough. Then Alice wanted to come up with some elaborate scheme. She said she even saw it working, but the school had a point. While I was busy trying to not die, I was missing classes. Still it seemed late for them to catch on to it.

I went ahead and gave in, seeing as though I would one day have to repeat high school and college over again. I was just getting an early start on repetition I told myself. Still I had to have the school work sent to me, which put college on pause for the moment.

But now I was wondering something else. Why didn't anyone tell me just how boring it is? I knew this. I knew that. What was the point I was making again? And I would honestly have to start high school over again one day? Not just repeating a grade for an honest reason, but because I was trapped in an 18-year-old body?

_Doesn't sound so great now does it?_ My mind asked to which I inwardly growled. Between Jacob's and Rosalie's looks of _I told you so_, that was enough without my mind agreeing with me.

"Might as well get up", I couldn't help the unnecessary sigh as I said the words out loud to no one. I was beyond frustrated with my insomnia. I couldn't sleep and now that I was at the mirror I wasn't even impressed at what I was looking at anymore.

I was perfect. No brush needed, no bath, no real need to get ready. My brown curls were framing my face perfectly as though I never laid down at all. No makeup needed, no touching up, I was perfect. A year ago this still amazed me. Now it just reminded me of all the things I gave up and the little things I wouldn't mind doing.

So what did I do, I brushed my teeth.

"Love…what are you doing?"

I could hear the tone in Edward's voice before he was even close to me, before that velvet tone would have me melting. Now it was just a voice.

"_Unlike Jacob's who still has an effect on you"_, came the annoying thought , making me brush my teeth harder as though I could wipe it away. The venom included.

"Brushing my teeth" I spit out the toothpaste and ignored the sick feeling from the slight bit of paste that I swallowed.

"Bella you realize that is not needed and you may make yourself sick if you swallow it."

It was hard but I held back the comeback that was forming, as I clenched my teeth together. Not to mention I was starting to feel sick and I was unwilling to let Edward see he was right. Maybe I was acting like a child, but I was getting a bit tired of being treated like one.

I tried to wash my mouth out with water which only made it worse as I seemed to taste more and swallow more, still I stood tall ….or as tall as I could at my small height to stare back at my husband.

This seemed to be the norm for us now. Me trying to do or hold on to those little things that made me human or at least feel that way again. Him reminding me that I couldn't. Even with the truth behind his words, I still wanted to rebel.

I was unsure who would back down first , or who would give in to being the one in the "wrong" . My body made the choice for me as the queasy feeling became too much and the contents came back up along with a silvery fluid. The sun seemed to hit it and it shimmered on top of Edward's Italian shoes.

"_Even that sparkles like diamonds"_, my mind spoke up.

Part of me was sorry about puking on his shoes but another part laughed at the thought inwardly, even as Edward seemed to cringe with a disgusted look on his face. Maybe I should apologize.

"Edward..."I started my apology but the smell of vomit made me cover my nose and mouth, making me feel ill once again as Edward released a long drawn out sigh.

"I tell you these things for your own good Bella", he interrupted with a disapproving look which made me go quiet instantly when it gave me the image of one's father. But here I was the child.

He went to change and clean up as I watched saying nothing at all. I knew he was taking me being quiet as a sign of me giving up on the subject, but inside I was seething.

So what if it turned out he was right. I still had the right to do as I wanted. I was grown, married, and we had our own child. The more I thought about it, the more I was inwardly screaming.

_I'M A VAMPIRE NOW!_ I wanted to scream at him while also reminding him that I was now on his level and his equal. Yet I also wanted to scream at him that he didn't need to protect me from myself anymore or whatever other ideas he had in his mind. But I was trying to pick and choose our battles, we already had been having them a lot lately.

Perhaps it was bad that now his mouth was moving and I was honestly tuning it all out in favor of imagining him being thrown out a window by myself. A bit overboard but at the moment, I honestly couldn't have cared less.

"Bella are you listening?"

"Hmm?" Okay so maybe tuning out was not the best option to do especially now that I could feel the slight nudges at my shield. I was sure it was Edward but more sure he would be disappointed to know I wasn't opening up to let him in.

The look of disappointment on his face was confirmation and I scolded myself, knowing I needed to make this work. I did agree to an eternity and where else would I go?

"Of course Edward." I gave a reply quickly, managing to get the look off his face. Funny that I agreed with no clue to what I was agreeing to. But it was one less argument to have.

I gave him a smile and he rewarded me with a kiss. I honestly felt as though it was a reward more than anything, because he looked way too pleased at my answer. It was nothing but perfect. And I honestly hated it now.

"So will you be going now?" he asked while looking as though he was about to leave.

What is he talking about? I was trying hard to hide the look of confusion on my face. Over the years, either I became a better liar or Edward still had trouble figuring me out. I wanted to believe it was the first one more than the other.

My mind started up again. _Why? Because Jake would have known and called you out on it?_

I tried to inwardly growl but I must have given off my frustration because Edward looked perplexed a moment then as though he understood my issue. Did he? That was a fear of mine and another reason I didn't dare lift my shield.

"I know things have been strained between you and Jacob."

Oh God…where was he going with this. What in all that is crunchy did I miss in my inner musings and tuning out?

"But with how things will one day progress…"

NO!I REFUSE!

I refuse to acknowledge _that_ any more than I have to. I didn't want to even think about _it_ if I could escape it. But of course I can't have that. Why would I be able to? I, Bella Cullen, just had to have it all and I got it in one sweet sickening package that I now felt was disgusting in the way that Edward could be fine with it.

He was fine with it when I could barely manage to come to terms with it for any extended period.

"For Renesmee's benefit and I feel it would be best if you and Jacob stabilize your friendship. It would be in the best of both parties of course. In the long run it will make things also easier for her when the time comes."

He did not…just…WAS HE SERIOUS!?

He was honesty telling me to fix the broken pieces of a dead friendship to make it easier on everyone? On _who_? Who exactly would benefit from this? Anyone seen Jacob lately, because I hadn't. I saw a shell. The once sunny boy I knew was gone, and it its place was this brooding man who every time we were in a room alone it was tension and a wall. All the easiness was gone along with Jake 'n Bells.

I don't know what hurt more. The way all that was gone, or the amount of time he spent with my daughter with her being the only one who could make him smile. Sadly though that smile was nowhere near the one he used to give me.

I broke him. I couldn't even deny it if I tried. Yet here my husband was in a bathroom with me, worried about appearances and making things run smoothly as though it's a business plan and not a failed relationship. But what argument could I even make.

No thanks Edward, I broke him enough? No thanks Edward why don't I just rub it in his face more that he has my daughter as some consolation prize? Wait…

I took a good look at Edward right then.

He gave off a crooked smile while his fingers touched my cheek "I wish I knew what was going on in that mind of yours."

No Edward you don't. You really, really don't.

"I'm going to go eat,"I stated as I already started to move. It was an escape but I knew Edward wouldn't know it. He still saw me as a puzzle to figure out.

"Good. I will let Jacob know. I'm glad you realized love that I am only looking out for your best interests."

He looked relieved and it was starting to click in my head what exactly he had wanted me to do.

He actually wants me to hunt with Jacob to bond. Jacob who hates vampires still. Jacob who dislikes the whole vamping out thing. Jacob who once looked at me after a hunt and I swore I saw disgust. I wanted to cry that day, and even more knowing I couldn't.

Suddenly I didn't want to go and the window was slowly starting to say _Do it. Do it. Just one little shove._ I half expected Jessica to appear, telling me all the cool kids were doing it.

_You know you want to. Peer pressure. Peer pressure. _Ignoring the urge, I decided to just let it go.

I would not fight him today. I would not argue. Instead I took off running out the house, a blink to any normal eye but I knew he would do as he said and soon I would have Jacob nearby. He could say no to Edward though, but inwardly I knew if Edward wished for something to happen he would make sure of it. I grimaced and started to think of that window again even with the trees I was passing and me no longer near it.

I shouldn't be thinking this way, I thought to myself while sitting at the base of a tree. I could see it all, and hear the sounds of wildlife. The life around me, the vibrant colors of nature stood out even more still thoughts of earlier hit me and I couldn't help as my mind ranted.

It's not his fault that perfection was becoming more and more enemy number one. It wasn't his fault I couldn't even enjoy the normal mom moments, and it felt like if I blinked I missed months of my daughter's life.

A memory hit me of wanting to teach her to ride a bike, and how I learned a couple of things. I had done all the preparations before Rose could take over, or Jacob took up her time. I researched online and talked to other mothers. That part made me wince; they all had so much to talk about when it came to all their kids had done. Their memories of simple little things like falling and helping them to stand, what formula they used to use, and even how some were dealing with the first day of school jitters.

Renesmee was approaching her second birthday, and already looked like she was around eight years old but my daughter never once tripped. And it bothered me. Still I researched, I wanted that one memory. That one thing I taught her that signified every kid. In my head, riding a bike had become a rite of passage.

Yet the day came and it was nothing like I imagined. One, she took to riding without a lesson at all. Two, she lost interest and preferred something more mature. Three, she would never be just a kid.

I gave birth and that was it. I started to hold myself as that familiar ache I would get came. Why didn't I feel complete? It made no sense. I have everything.

_You don't have Jacob._ My mind mused, making me growl at myself until a smell hit my nose along with the sound of padded paws hitting the ground. Between the smell and paws, I knew it was Jacob. Memories of his scent before the change came to mind and I tried to hold on to it even the closer he came. I felt like I would never truly get used to the stench.

I didn't look up yet, even when he was close and I heard the rustling of what I thought was him putting on his shorts.

"Hi."

One word and that deep tone still spoke to me deep inside somewhere, still though the tension was there. We both could feel it. Like the elephant in the room. Where's a pack of lions when you need them?

"Hi Jacob." I wasn't even sure what more could be said. What to even say. I was more than surprised he was even here. I couldn't help it but for a moment I hoped I was the reason.

"Your blo-" he stopped his self at the near slip of calling Edward bloodsucker but continued."Your husband said Nessie would like us to talk more."

So that's how he got Jacob here. Of course. The imprint. I wasn't the reason he came. He came only because he thought it would help my daughter later. Then again, I should have known I wasn't the reason. Still it hurt though. It hurt knowing I was so far off his radar, even as I reminded myself this is what I wanted. This is what I gave up everything for. Even though I truly gave up nothing, Jacob had made sure of that. He found a way to let me have my happily ever after and my dad, without giving up anything about me.

I looked up at my ex-best friend right then and noticed like always the sadness in his eyes and his darkened features. He looked haunted but that was to me who knew him. I couldn't help but stare at his abs or the shaggy look of his hair that came just below his ears. I wasn't sure what made him grow his hair back out a bit but I was not complaining. But I did ignore the urge to touch it and feel it in my hands.

"Yea." came my confirmation of what Edward had asked of Jacob, though even to ears my own musical tone sounded dull and lifeless.

I felt there was a button in the background that had been pressed, instead of an amazing show of maybe missiles. Someone initiated the awkward silence button.

"Shouldn't you be hunting?" his eyes looked at me in question as his eyes looked me over.

"Not hungry…" I murmured though Jake didn't seem surprised at all by my answer, for a moment he even looked amused.

"And pass up blood o' duck?" he smirked slightly, lifting the tension a bit.

Still I couldn't help but wonder if it was for me or my daughter. I probably should just count my blessings.

"Not duck season," I tried to joke back knowing that it was lousy and fell flat.

"That…was the worst joke ever."

I couldn't help but agree with him and there came Mr. Elephant again. The awkward. The quiet and then suddenly as me and Jake looked at each other we both burst out laughing.

"Duck season, really?"

I couldn't help but mimic back, "Blood o' duck?"

"Better than duck season," he laughed and it felt as natural as the trees surrounding us.

For a moment Jake n' Bells was back, and I was savoring it. "You should stop hating."

"Sure, sure. Tell me when your favorite dish isn't O positive."

And then I went silent right as the elephant waved its trunk as to say _did you miss me?_

I looked away and passed the trees as far as I could, I knew even with my eyes I wouldn't see much. It was a very dense forest and we moved near it for a reason. The biggest being a little girl becoming a woman in around 7 years. Two of them already about gone, I thought grimly.

I didn't feel like being here anymore. Worse yet, I felt like if I did start running. I wouldn't find it in me to stop.

"So the drug wore off…" Jake said quiet enough where if I wasn't a vampire I wouldn't have heard it.

"Just drop it Jacob." I knew I was whining and only had myself to blame how I was feeling now.

"Drop what? That I was right?"

And there it was. He just had to poke the elephant. He just had to read me like always in just a few moments where Edward - even after our arguments – would probably be telling his self that none of it mattered. Why would it? I made an irreversible choice. I had the perfect husband. At least, I would keep reminding myself of that.

"Then again you got everything you wanted" Jake spat out the words with disdain, "So what's the problem Bells? Would say all you're missing is the dog but you got that too."

His voice got darker with each word and even the old nickname that was once so endearing sounded like venom. If not for his voice, I would think it was my mind berating myself again.

Still I couldn't let him see his self like that. He was more than that. Way more.

"Don't talk about yourself like that." I frowned, reaching out to touch him like I used to.

My fingers barely brushed his skin before Jake seemed to recoil, as though repulsed, while stepping out of reach "Why not?"

My arms quickly went to my sides, before around myself for comfort even as I spoke softly "Because you're more than that. You deserve so mu-"

"Stop! I'm so sick and tired of you saying what I deserve, when all you do is show me how I'm not enough! It's all you've ever done!"

I didn't even have to look to know he was shaking with anger, but still I looked. The pain and anguish in his eyes cut at me. How bad did I hurt him? How bad did I break him? But at least he has her…

_He didn't want her and you know it. She wasn't his choice_, my mind decided to push what I wanted to keep buried up and to the surface.

"Jake..." I nearly whimpered his name. Part of me wanting him to stop looking at me which so much in his eyes, it was pure emotional turmoil. Then the other part knew I had it coming. " Think about Renessmee.." I started to say even as I choked the words out.

"No! Just stop there! Don't even fucking go there Bella…." he took a deep breath but it didn't seem to help much. "Nearly two years…two fucking years since and I still can't...FUCK! Every time I feel like I can forget what we had! Every time I feel like I might be able to get over you! But I CAN'T! I can't even look at her eyes without thinking of yours! DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED UP THAT IS!? DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED UP THAT I CHANGED MY FUTURE WIFE'S DIAPER! So don't you dare say her fucking name! You think I want to be reminded how much on the end of the shit stick I am!? "

He started pacing and I swore any second he'd be on all fours even with how he grabbed at his own hair. He wasn't Jacob at all anymore. He was the embodiment of pissed and I knew I should go. Even with a shield, and my strength. Something about how feral he was now was downright scary. Yet here I still was, and deeper in my non-beating heart I trusted him still.

I was never the first place winner on sane decisions.

"And what am I supposed to tell her when she's old enough!? Happy seventh birthday, it's cool we can fuck now!?"

I winced, feeling disturbed myself as he started painting the picture for me. I didn't know you could feel sick to your stomach and jealous all at once. Even worse, jealous of my daughter.

"I mean what am I supposed to do!? No worries, I had enough wet dreams about your mom so I got better control?!" he started shouting louder, his form shaking to the point he seemed to blur. "Oh, but wait! It's okay Ness. When I look at you I see her anyway, but I still see you too."

"Didn't Quil…"I knew I was fishing for anything to help but it seemed to do the opposite. Touching him wasn't an option anymore.

"I'm not Quil! He can't even see another chick to date one! You think he LIKES being tied to a little kid like that?"

"You didn't seem so against it before…"

"THAT WAS BEFORE I IMPRINTED ON A NEWBORN!"

"Maybe you'll forget in time…" now that thought I hated. The idea of Jacob truly moving on and forgetting me hurt a lot.

"_Selfish_", my mind reprimanded me.

"I know leeches don't have a sense of time but have you forgot example one, aka SAM! He STILL thought of Leah!"

That only made me confused as I thought about it, wasn't imprinting supposed to wipe all that clean. I couldn't help though at the small amount of joy that it wasn't that simple. That joy died though at the look in Jake's eyes and then a bitter laugh from his lips.

"I'm the future of my tribe and my future wife's a half vamp. The thing I'm supposed to kill. The thing I'm supposed to protect people from…" He said it all in a quiet tone, his body slowly stilled before is voice became hollow as though he was beyond repair. "Guess it doesn't matter though. The thought of…with…I can't…"

Slowly his face became a grimace "Even if I could, the kid wouldn't survive or I would be making sure I took away everything from them."

For once I wished I couldn't read Jake like I could because I was right there with him feeling disturbed and sick at it all. The whole picture was now painted. Even if you took out whose daughter Renesmee was, he would be risking a child's death or setting them up as a shifter.

There was no question with all the vampires around, and then the fact the mother was part vampire.

I wanted to say I was sorry but where would I even start. Sorry for falling in love? I couldn't be sorry for that. I wasn't. I wasn't sorry for loving Edward.

_Maybe realizing things too late, like perfect isn't always better?_ My mind started. I wrapped my arms around myself as though it was all I could do to hold my self together. This was worse than the hole Edward left, I was falling apart at the seams.

_Maybe I should go hunt,_ I thought to myself before getting up slowly.

I wished that Jake would look at me again but he wouldn't even turn my way. Now that he was facing an opposite direction and I felt the wall got even thicker between us.

Yes, hunting had was better than this. Sitting here and thinking only made me think of more things I rather push back down. Maybe it was good I couldn't sleep, I was sure after the picture Jake painted of his future I would have a nightmare.

I started moving away from him and in search of my prey. I know I should have paid better attention, but with the war in my head I wasn't at my best. If I had been, the sudden sweet smell maybe would have made me pause a bit at how much it sung to me. But at the moment blood lust took over and I let it, it was the one thing I could do as an escape.

One thing did make me stop though. There was a sudden sound, the breaking apart of marble before a pain ripped through my chest. I shouldn't feel none of it, nor the arrow now protruding from my body as I fell backward with a sickening thud even against the forest floor.

Fire. It felt like fire tearing through me, white-hot pain going through my body.

I thought changing into a vampire was an agonizing pain. It didn't compare to this, not something so consuming and brutal. I couldn't help but cry out as I felt as though I was torn apart and burned. Even with no knowledge personally of the experience, I felt like this was what it felt like and expected to see flames around me.

Instead there was the blur of trees that came in and out of focus. If I could have looked at myself, I would have known I was writhing on the ground but all I cared about was the pain eating me alive. I actually convulsed hard enough to puke on myself. A weird mix of silver and dark crimson assaulted my eyes a moment before they rolled back, and I barely heard the footsteps that came closer to me.

"He-he-help..." my voice was guttural as I pleaded to the blurry image of what I thought was a girl.

Here I was an almighty vampire begging this human for help. I cared less at the moment for the irony, and would have accepted a vision of Yoda at this point.

I tried to beg again as nothing came out anymore, just that liquid and my body went through more convulsions as a feeling that I never thought I would know again took over along with the pain.

I felt weak.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. I'm not sure how you're still alive but give me one sec to fix that."

I wasn't sure what she meant nor why the voice sounded familiar, until I heard the sound of a fire that changed the priorities of my thoughts.

Dear god…help me…please. I tried to scream it even as I felt myself self being dragged and it didn't take a genius to know to where I was going. But I couldn't get free no matter how much I screamed at my body to obey me even as the pain went through me and I felt weaker with each passing moment.

It felt like hours until I heard the howl, and the upper half of my body was unceremoniously dropped. I barely noticed as the pain consumed me again from the inside out.

I couldn't get my eyes to focus as the blurred images of what I figured was the girl and a giant wolf - who I figured was Jacob - stood near each other. At the moment I couldn't figure out why Jacob couldn't pick me up and run me to Carlisle, the fact he couldn't because of some reason was lost on me at the moment.

Finally a scream did come out of me but it wasn't intentional. The pain was too much. I couldn't take this much longer. I could barely make them out anymore as darkness was coming fast. I didn't even feel myself being lifted again.

Was I dying? Was I really going to die? Like this? Or did Jake finally get me? Unless Jake was so mad he was actually leaving me to die. As much as I couldn't see Jake doing that, at the moment only pain and hurt was going through me helping me to think the worse.

As everything went black, I finally got my apology together.

My last thought , _"__Sorry Jake…for everything"._


End file.
